The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
