and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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