so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
