When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's shark week go big or go home
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
