Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
