Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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