The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
