you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Everything about him screamed your future.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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