could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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