dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
