I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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