Where did you get a picture of my penis
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
