whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
