so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
