i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize