I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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