I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize