I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
