They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
