I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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