I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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