Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
