I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
