I skipped work to stalk him.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
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