I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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