If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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