You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
