I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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