And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
