Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
