Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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