What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
