I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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