"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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