My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Randomize
