How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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