all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
