this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
