eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
