Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I AM VODKA MAN
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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