If that was your dad, he is hot
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
