i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
