I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
