During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
