I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
