watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
