i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
