I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
