Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
