shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
