I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I cut my penus on the lid.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
