Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize