Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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