I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
