This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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