we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
