Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
