Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
