porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
