So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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