sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
