I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
