I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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