I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
